Forgotten

I just rediscovered this blog and the memories of the affair came rushing in.  I haven't visited here in years.  I also haven't seen or spoken to the person who inspired it.

He stood me up at an expensive hotel room that I paid for.  He said he was sick but I found out he was just visiting his granddaughter.

Then I did the unthinkable.  I told his wife.

Turns out he had many mistresses, even while seeing me.  He had a mental health problem.  His wife was polite, and honest.  I think if she had known how badly I was hurting she might even have been sympathetic.

I moved on.  I continued to see other married men (and one single one).  I got my heart broken more times than I would like to admit.  A couple of them were worth it.

I hope to get back to this blog.  I'm a quite different person than I was then.

Time wounds all heels

I've been away from this blog, and from my married man, for many weeks.  I mourned the relationship way beyond what it deserved.  Then just as I got myself together and started to move on, he contacted me again.

Against my better judgement and the protests of loyal friends who helped me recover, I met with him for coffee in our park.  It really was just talk at first.  Then it became kissing.  Then it became stroking.  Then it stopped, because he had some issues.  Guilt, no doubt.  Not just guilty for cheating on his wife, but guilty for stirring up old feelings in me.

Then a few very short (one sentence) emails, then nothing.

I recovered much faster this time.  Began dating someone else.

Then he emailed again.  He wants to see me.  Again.

I don't think I can do this again.  I don't think my heart can take it.  And my new guy, who happens to have the same first name and astrological sign as this one, probably wouldn't be too happy.

Yeah...it is

It is definitely going to be a long term thing, if we can manage to be discreet.  And by we I mean me.

He's been emailing me every day from his golf trip and telling me he misses me.  He asked if I would meet him on Monday so we could spend some time together before I leave on my trip next friday.   I am now completely certain he has feelings for me beyond sexual gratification.  And that goes both ways.  It's going to be hard when this is over.

I'm thinking of setting up a new checking account at a different bank in just my name.  Just in case.

Golfing

Tomorrow he is off on a week long golfing trip with his best friend.  I truly hope he has a fabulous time.  And I hope he comes back to me.

He wasn't able to talk to me after noon or so today.  I had hoped he would at least say goodbye.  After the body bliss of yesterday, I'm feeling vulnerable and a little needy.

I know he worked today, and when he should have been doing laundry and packing yesterday he was making love to me.  So of course his evening was full.  And then there is his wife. I try not to think about what they are doing in the hours before he is away from her for a week.  I know what I would be doing.  I know what I just did.

Please please please let me hear from him.
Please let our plans for when he returns be real.
Please help me have a little faith.

Oh God I think I'm falling.

Our first time

At least I hope it was only the first

Instead of a cheap motel we got a decent one with a king sized bed and a fireplace.  He poured the champagne and we toasted to our...what?  I don't know what.

As soon as we walked through the door we were in each others arms.  For the first time.  Oh, we'd hugged, and kissed, but this was different.  We're in a relationship now.  We are a couple.  And we were holding each other in the bright of day in a hotel room.

He pinned me against a wall and kissed me.  It was amazing.  His passion for me sweeps me off my feet.

The sex was mind blowing.  I was more limber than I have been in years.  And he touched me everywhere, actually getting excited when he touched me.  When he put his fingers inside me my heart beat wildly.

Then he entered me.  It was everything I had anticipated.  And when he emptied into me, he looked into my eyes.  He was with me, not using me.  It was incredible.

Lying together afterward, listening to music, a very special song came on.  We just held each other and listened.  It was so tender.  I didn't expect tender.  Three months ago, I didn't expect sex.

What a beautiful mess I'm in.

So much water

Water under the bridge.
We fought
We made up
We made love.

He went from being cold to being affectionate.
His words

it was also incredible watching you cumm while I was fucking you.It was incredible cumming deep inside you hope to do it again very soon.

and before we made love, there was a week of things like this (again, his words)

 I miss you babe and want to hold you close and kiss you.

if I have the boat home at all will you consider going for a ride?

 I know want to know your important me.So I have confession to make I think about you constinlatly.I check my email all the time hoping I got something from you and not just porn.

And all this from a Scorpio who just a few weeks ago didn't want any "feelings" involved.

I'm falling so hard.  This is going to hurt when it's over.

A little place

We just need a little place of our own

A quiet little place we can call  home

Far away from the world out there

With southern breezes through our hair

To laugh and cry and spend the night

Holding each other oh so tight

We need a little place

Of our own.

Down a dirt road dry and bumpy

Getting there might make you grumpy but

Once you’re in you feel the love

Our private spot fits like a glove

No one knows just where we are

It’s very close but feels so far

We’ve found a little place

Of our own

Telephone and prying spouse

Won’t invade our little house

Walk right in and sit right down

Only you and me around

Making love or maybe laughing

Caught up in our joy of having

A little place

Of our own.